<VV> Fwd: Fw: Noah's Ark

Sun, 21 Nov 2004 12:56:03 EST

Message-ID: <410-2200411021171262@earthlink.net>
Reply-To: warfsten@earthlink.net
From: "Wanda Arfsten" <warfsten@earthlink.net>
Subject: Fw: Noah's Ark
Date: Sun, 21 Nov 2004 10:01:02 -0700
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
To: undisclosed-recipients:;

wanda arfsten
warfsten@earthlink.net
Why Wait? Move to EarthLink.

Subject: Noah's New Ark

The Lord came to Noah, in Oregon, in the year 2004. The earth
was wicked and over-populated. The Lord instructed Noah to build another Ark
and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.  "Here's
the blueprint", said the Lord. "Hurry.... in six months I start the unending
rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later the rain started. The Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping
in his flooded yard....and no ark. "Noah", He roared, "Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "Things have changed. I needed a building
permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler
system.

My neighbors claim that I have violated the neighborhood zoning laws by
building the Ark in my yard and the height limitation being exceeded. We had
to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision Then the Department of
Transportation and Hydro wanted a bond posted for the future costs of moving
power, trolley and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the
Ark's move to the sea.

I argued the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of this.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees
in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists
that I needed the wood to save the owls. No go!  I gathered the animals, but
then I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was
confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the
accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so
many animals in so confined a space.

The county decided that I could not build the Ark without filing an
environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.  I'm still trying to
resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities
I' m supposed to hire for my building crew. The trades union wants me to
hire only Union trades-people with Ark building experience.

  To make matters worse, the Internal Revenue Service seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally as well as with
endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten
years to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared and the sun began to shine. A rainbow stretched
across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder."You mean you're not going to
destroy the world?" he asked.

"No", said the Lord. "The Government beat me to it"