<VV> Hurricane Classifications

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Thought this might help to undewrstand the recent news 
 
Subject: The Five Stages of a Hurricane


Category  1:

"Wussy." Street signs blow over, bushes and shrubs are damaged,  housecats 
meow slightly more loudly. Plan for these storms
by duct taping  your shrubs, kicking the cat, and shaking your fist 
triumphantly at Mother  Nature for throwing such a weak-ass storm
at you.

Category  2:

"Mildly Alarming." Houses moan, some of the sicker looking trees may  fall 
over, shingles blow off, small children complain.
Planning: duct tape  all the sick trees you may have on your property, as 
well as duct taping X-es on  your windows. This lets
the wind know not to blow the glass in. Purchase  bottled water, before 
everyone else snaps it up.

Category  3:

"Deeply Frightening." Houses collapse, mobile homes cease to exist in  any 
normal functioning sense of the word, dogs fart
explosively, healthy  trees surrender. Planning: duct tape everything on your 
property, including the  dog. Buy plywood and nail
it over the windows-- after first duct taping X-es  over the glass. Purchase 
bottled water and bleach. This is so if it looks  like
you're going to die, you can add the bleach to the water and drink  it.

Category 4:

"Holy  Shit." Buildings fall, cars fly  through the air, walls bleed, large 
sea mammals are carried several miles  inland, entire
regions disappear completely. Planning: Cover your entire  house with duct 
tape X-es to try and fool the hurricane into thinking
the  whole place is a gigantic window. Nail as much wood as you can find to 
the  outside of the duct tape. Lock yourself and
your family and your farting dog  in the basement with the bottled water and 
bleach, and maybe some canned goods,  a portable
generator, and a gun to ward off looters in the apocalyptic  aftermath that 
is sure to follow.

Category 5:

"The End Of The  World." All trace of humanity is picked up several yards 
into the air and  converted into bite-sized pieces, the
Biblical leviathan surfaces from the  depths, hell rises up and swallows 
mankind whole. Planning: screw the duct tape.  Get into
the basement and make peace with your god.  Whomever He, She or  It may be.







Tim  Abney



Proud Member of 
United  Steelworkers of America, Local 7600

Life Member McHenry County Illinois VietNow
Member American Legion Post #777 - San Bernardino, CA 
Member  Society of the First Infantry Division (Big Red One)
KLIK - Lai Khe, RVN -  1967-68
Corsa Member
I.E.C.C.  President
1965 Corvair Monza Coupe - Valley Vairs Cover Car January 2003 - 2nd Edition
1964 Corvair Monza 4 Door - Back burner project
1961 Corvair Lakewood Wagon - Starting  restoration

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