<VV> Welcome to Denvahhhh......!
Chuck Kubin
dreamwoodck at yahoo.com
Sun Mar 20 15:01:15 EST 2005
Hey gang,
Following the earlier plea for people to learn to
drive here, I cautioned not to insist Denver driver
habits were all that good. This just in from a friend
who had no idea how good his timing is.
> Welcome to the Denver-metro area of Colorado!
> 1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It
is: "Den-ver" not Denvah.
> 2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
Denver has its own version of traffic rules...the
cars/truck with the loudest muffler goes next at a
4-way stop. The truck with the
biggest tires goes after that. (NOTE: Blue-haired,
green-haired or cranberry-haired ladies driving
anything have the right-of-way anytime.)
> 3. To find anything in Denver, it is required that
you know whereColfax and Broadway are...which is the
Alpha and Omega, the Beginningand the End.
> 4. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 10:00.
The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's
rush hour
starts on Thursday morning.
> 5. If you actually attempt to stop at a yellow
light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out, and MOST
LIKELY shot. Fourth person through on the red won't
get a ticket. The fifth might.
> 6. You must know that "I-25" and the "Valley
Highway" are the same road. Same goes for Hampden
Ave. and 285 - they are the same, too. (oh, yeah -
285 South doesn't GO south, nor does 285 North GO
north -South goes West and North goes East - you'll
have to trust me on this one.) The Mousetrap is the
intersection of I-25 and I-70, and even traffic
officials use the name.
> 7. Road construction is a permanent fixture in
Denver. The barrels are moved around in the middle of
the night to make the next day's driving a bit more
exciting. Watch for falling bridge girders.
> 8. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as
drunks, jaywalkers, panhandlers, skunks, dogs, elk,
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, potholes, cars
stuck in potholes, cats, pieces of other cars, truck
tires, squirrels, rabbits, and crows or vultures
feeding on any of these items.
> 9. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches for your
vehicle is recommended for city driving. Lots of
"stuff" falls off something. The average pothole is
at least 8 inches deep and 18 inches across. Denver
has a system that allows you to call in potholes,
largely for the amusement of those taking the calls.
> 10. If someone actually has their turn signal on,
wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know
it has been "accidentally activated". Turn signals
are to let the driver in the next lane know that you
WILL insert your car in the 1/2 car length between you
and the car in front of him.
> 11. The minimum acceptable speed on all freeways:
I-25, I-70, C-470, I-76, I-225, 285/Hampden, Hwys 87
and 36 is 85 MPH. Anything less is considered
downright sissy. This is Colorado's version of
NASCAR. The difference is that some drivers are armed
and irritable!
> 12. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. (It may
be hazardous to your health.)
> 13. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70
in a 55-65
zone...you are considered a road hazard, and will be
flipped off and cut off accordingly.
> 14. When you see a sign that says "Watch for Rocks
on Highway", take it seriously. It means BIG rocks.
Like 3-ton boulders.
> 15. The trend in recent years indicates if it's 70
degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
> 16. Just because they live in Colorado, don't expect
the driver's to know how to drive in the snow.
Colorado natives forget how to drive in snow by the
middle of the summer, and don't learn again until
about the third snow storm of the season. Colorado
transplants never really learn how to drive in the
snow.
17. 4WD is an excuse to behave when the weather is
good and do twice the speed limit when it isn't. True
Colorado natives know how to drive in the snow at 85.
18. We pronounce it Coloraaa...doe.
19. Everyone here claims to be a native even if
they have only been here since Superbowl XXII. All
events are remembered by who the Bronco's played that
week.
"Chicago" Chuck Kubin
>From the Land of People Who Can Drive
__________________________________
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-------------- next part --------------
Welcome to the Denver-metro Area of Colorado!
1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "Den-ver" not
Denvah.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Denver has its
own version of traffic rules...the cars/truck with the loudest muffler
goes next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after
that. (NOTE: Blue-haired, green-haired or cranberry-haired ladies
driving anything have the right-of-way anytime.)
3. To find anything in Denver, it is required that you know where
Colfax and Broadway are...which is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning
and the End.
4. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 10:00. The evening rush
hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
morning.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended,
cussed out, and MOST LIKELY shot.
6. You must know that "I-25" and the "Valley Highway" are the same
road. Same goes for Hampden Ave. and 285 - they are the same, too.
(oh, yeah - 285 South doesn't GO south, nor does 285 North GO north -
South goes West and North goes East - you'll have to trust me on this
one.) The "Mousetrap" is the intersection of I-25 and I-70.
7. Road construction is a permanent fixture in Denver. The barrels
are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day's
driving a bit more exciting. Watch for falling bridge girders....
8. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as drunks, jay-walkers,
pan-handlers, skunks, dogs, elk, deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot
holes, cats, pieces of other cars, truck tires, squirrels, rabbits, and
crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.
9. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches for your vehicle is
recommended for city driving. Lots of "stuff" falls off of or falls
from something. The average pothole is at least 8 inches deep and 18
inches across.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
activated".
11. The minimum acceptable speed on "all freeways, I-25, I-70, C-470.
I-76, I-225, 285/Hampden, Hwys 87 and 36 is 85 MPH. Anything less is
considered downright sissy. This is Colorado's version of NASCAR. The
difference is that some drivers are armed and irritable!
12. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. (It may be hazardous to
your health.)
13. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55-65
zone...you are considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped off"
accordingly.
14. When you see a sign that says "Watch for Rocks on Highway", take
it seriously. It means BIG rocks. Like 3-ton boulders.
15. The trend in recent years indicates if it's 70 degrees,
Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
16. Just because they live in Colorado, don't expect the driver's to
know how to drive in the snow. Colorado natives forget how to drive in
snow by the middle of the summer, and don't learn again until about the
third snow storm of the season. Colorado transplants never really learn
how to drive in the snow.
True Colorahdo natives know how to drive in the snow at 85, also they
pronounce the name of the state as Coloraaa...doe. Everyone here claims to be a
native even if they have only been here since Superbowl Twelve. All events are
remembered by who the Bronco's were playing that week.
-------------- next part --------------
Welcome to the Denver-metro Area of Colorado!
1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "Den-ver" not
Denvah.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Denver has its
own version of traffic rules...the cars/truck with the loudest muffler
goes next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after
that. (NOTE: Blue-haired, green-haired or cranberry-haired ladies
driving anything have the right-of-way anytime.)
3. To find anything in Denver, it is required that you know where
Colfax and Broadway are...which is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning
and the End.
4. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 10:00. The evening rush
hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
morning.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended,
cussed out, and MOST LIKELY shot.
6. You must know that "I-25" and the "Valley Highway" are the same
road. Same goes for Hampden Ave. and 285 - they are the same, too.
(oh, yeah - 285 South doesn't GO south, nor does 285 North GO north -
South goes West and North goes East - you'll have to trust me on this
one.) The "Mousetrap" is the intersection of I-25 and I-70.
7. Road construction is a permanent fixture in Denver. The barrels
are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day's
driving a bit more exciting. Watch for falling bridge girders....
8. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as drunks, jay-walkers,
pan-handlers, skunks, dogs, elk, deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot
holes, cats, pieces of other cars, truck tires, squirrels, rabbits, and
crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.
9. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches for your vehicle is
recommended for city driving. Lots of "stuff" falls off of or falls
from something. The average pothole is at least 8 inches deep and 18
inches across.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
activated".
11. The minimum acceptable speed on "all freeways, I-25, I-70, C-470.
I-76, I-225, 285/Hampden, Hwys 87 and 36 is 85 MPH. Anything less is
considered downright sissy. This is Colorado's version of NASCAR. The
difference is that some drivers are armed and irritable!
12. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. (It may be hazardous to
your health.)
13. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55-65
zone...you are considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped off"
accordingly.
14. When you see a sign that says "Watch for Rocks on Highway", take
it seriously. It means BIG rocks. Like 3-ton boulders.
15. The trend in recent years indicates if it's 70 degrees,
Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
16. Just because they live in Colorado, don't expect the driver's to
know how to drive in the snow. Colorado natives forget how to drive in
snow by the middle of the summer, and don't learn again until about the
third snow storm of the season. Colorado transplants never really learn
how to drive in the snow.
True Colorahdo natives know how to drive in the snow at 85, also they
pronounce the name of the state as Coloraaa...doe. Everyone here claims to be a
native even if they have only been here since Superbowl Twelve. All events are
remembered by who the Bronco's were playing that week.
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