<VV> RE: THE ADVENTURES OF VENDORMAN (Humor)

[Keith Hammett]

Sooo VendorMan where is his belt?  GGG  Not on that cheek, not on the
other, but right between!

Keith Hammett

-----Original Message-----
From: corvairs <lonwall at corvairunderground.com>
Subject: <VV> THE ADVENTURES OF VENDORMAN - Part One
Cc: virtualvairs at corvair.org
Message-ID: <437E4E95.9070703 at corvairunderground.com>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1; format=flowed


(Cue Music)
Announcer : The amazing adventures of Vendorman! Come with us now where 
we look into the life of Lon Wall, mild mannered citizen, who by day 
becomes - Vendorman! (Disclaimer) The adventures of Vendorman are from 
actual case files. The dialogue is as accurrate as can be recalled - 
only the names have been changed to keep the situation from getting
worse.

Let's look in now.....

Phone - RING RING!
VM - Hello, Corvair Underground.
Caller - (very robotic,  and somewhat manic) WHERE'S MY BELTS!?
VM - Uh, what? I'm sorry, what do you mean?
Caller - (exact same cadance) WHERE'S MY BELTS!
VM - I'm sorry but I don't understand. Did you place an order for some 
seat belts?
Caller (ibid) WHERE'S MY BELTS!
VM - uh........sorry sir, but we're not getting anywhere - are you all 
right?
Caller - You sent me two belts and they're CRAP.
VM - Oh, what is the problem with them?
Caller (Same as before) WHERE'S MY BELTS!?
ANNOUNCER - At this point Vendorman uses his amazing powers of deduction

and remembers 2 Gates fanblets being returned about 3 weeks earlier with

no name or contact information and no explaination. One had been 
installed the other had not been. There was nothing visiably wrong with 
either one.
VM - Wait a minute, what is your name?
Caller - WHERE'S MY BELTS!?
VM - (Give me strength) Is this the guy who returned 2 fanbelts about 3 
weeks ago?
Caller - WHERE'S MY BELT'S?! (He now begins to alter his tone only 
slightly)  Don't you believe in customer service?
VM - Of course we do, but we have to know what's going on. What happened

with the fanbelts?
Caller - They're crap. Send me 2 more.
VM - Well, wait a minute. We need to find out why you had trouble. These

are standard Corvair Gates belts and one of them wasn't even installed. 
If we can go through your application we might be able to find out why 
you had trouble.
Caller (Now kind of giddy and slightly sinsiter)  Sooo, you don't 
believe in customer service then?
VM -  Now wait a minute. Why would you want 2 more of the exact belts 
back if they're "crap" and they don't work?
Caller - WHERE'S MY BELTS!
VM - If you don't fix what's wrong with your car you'll probably still 
be losing belts. How tight did you get the first belt?
Caller - (Slightly unbalanced) I have a dunebuggy! So, you don't believe

in customer service -RIGHT?
VM - What are you talking about? Is this some kind of prank?
Caller - YOU'RE A CROOK!  I'm going to tell everyone what a crook you
are!
Telephone - CLICK!
VM - Why me...........

Announcer - Please join us again for another true story in the life of 
VENDORMAN!
      Vendorman was recorded on Kinescope in front of a live audience. 
All celebrity voices were impersonated, except for Catherine Zeta Jones.

Make sure to enjoy the USA in your Chevrolet! This is your announcer, 
George Fenneman speaking.  Until next time.


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