<VV> NO COMPUTER, NO NEWS, NO TREE HUGGING (Humor)

Louis Armer carmerjr at mindspring.com
Mon Sep 10 00:03:22 EDT 2007


>                                          Steven Wright Humor
>
>If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous
>erudite scientist who once said:  "I woke up one morning and all
>of my stuff had been stolen.. and replaced by exact duplicates." His
>mind seems to see things differently than we do,
>to our amazement and amusement.
>
>
>                                        Here are some of his gems:
>
>1. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
>
>2. Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
>
>3. Half the people you know are below average.
>
>4. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
>
>5. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
>
>6. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
>
>7. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
>
>8. If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
>
>9. All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
>
>10. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
>
>11. I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
>
>12. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
>
>13. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
>
>14. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously 
>overlooked something.
>
>15. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
>
>16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
>
>17. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
>
>18. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
>
>19. I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
>
>20. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
>
>21. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
>
>22. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
>
>23. My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made 
>your horn louder."
>
>24. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
>
>25. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
>
>26. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
>
>27. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
>
>28. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the
>bread.
>
>29. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many 
>is research.
>
>30. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
>
>31. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
>
>32. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
>
>33. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film

da Chuckster
Chuck "laugh now and then" Armer


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