<VV> The Corvair and "Darth Nader"... Corvair related humor with a
ring of truth.
joew at diveaz.com
Tue Oct 18 07:49:10 EDT 2005
Article found here by my son:
Text of the article linked above:
So, here begins another plea for free markets. Today's plea will deal with
the automotive industry.
To begin with, let me point out that I do not believe that the U.S. has a
real free market economy. While it is more free than others, it is not
entirely free. It's never more evident than when you look at the automotive
industry. Just listen to my story.
Once upon a time, certain people called "Americans" were free. They were
free to make their own decisions. They were free to eat anything they
wanted, say anything they wanted, go anywhere they wanted, carry any weapon
they wanted, and buy any car they wanted. And these "Americans" were happy.
They had cars like Corvettes and Thunderbirds, and Impalas and Fairlanes,
Barracudas and Chevelles and Torinos. They even had a car named Corvair.
The Corvair was different than other American cars. It's engine was placed,
oddly enough, in the back. Most American cars placed the engine in the
front. But I digress. The Corvair enjoyed much popularity until one day a
man appeared as if from nowhere. He wrote an evil book of lies about the
Corvair, and he called it Unsafe At Any Speed. This evil man was named...
Ralph Nader, also known as Darth Nader.
After Darth Nader wrote his book, an evil group of people in the American
government known as Philistines Pharisees Communist Trash Democrats read the
book and they began to make unconstitutional laws. They abused the mystical
Insterstate Commerce Clause and bent it and shaped it to do their evil
bidding and when they were done... no one could buy a Corvair anymore.
Americans who had always been free to buy the car they wanted were no longer
able to. The maker of Corvair, the Great and Wonderful General Motors, was
forced to kill Corvair.
Then a dark period of market tyranny settled over the land known as America.
The Democrats ruled with an iron fist, and their opposition, the
Republicans, were brainwashed into believing in the necessity of the
Democrats' evil actions. The Democrats and Republicans together, called
Congress, made more and more regulations for Makers to follow. The Congress
told the Great and Wonderful General Motors "you must build cars with this
kind of bumper!" The Congress told the Powerful and Invincible Chrysler "you
must add seat belts!" They even told the Pathetic Ford, who should always
receive pity and not unkindness, "you must add crumple zones!"
Horrible, Horrible Crumple Zones
Then Makers from other lands began to sell their cars in America. But The
Congress said "NO! You cannot sell your cars here unless you follow our
rules." And so the other Makers followed those rules.
No longer were the Big Three and other Makers able to build cars like the
people truly wanted, and no longer were the people able to buy the cars they
truly wanted. And the new rules that The Congress made drove up the cost of
each car the Makers made, thereby making each American pay more and more for
Then disaster struck. A fuel crisis drove the Americans into despair, and
their Leader, a peanut farmer who was supposed to bring peace to the world,
failed them miserably in a whirlwind of inaction. And The Congress created a
special team of jackbooted tyrannists named the EPA. The EPA descended upon
the American landscape and devoured the hearts of all motorists everywhere.
For years the American people lived like this. Their only option was to buy
ugly, slow cars. Then the Big Three and the other Makers began to break free
from the The Congress and EPA. New technology and magicks allowed them to
create better looking, faster cars within the confines of the The Congress'
and EPA's tyranny. Their cars were faster, but were still stifled by
draconian emission laws. Their cars were prettier, but they still had to
work around butt-ugly 5-mph bumpers. But as the Makers made a collective
push to break free of the tyranny, The Congress and EPA made new rules and
laws, that forced the Makers to research new types of cars called "Electric
Cars" and "Hybrid Cars" that nobody worth being a person was remotely
And so the battle continues. The Makers try to provide what the people want
and The Congress stops them. And the majority of people are unhappy, but
either don't know why they're unhappy or don't do anything about it. The
Republicans have begun to make a push for the true values of America, like
limited government and free markets, but many within their movement dissent,
and the Democrats fight tooth and nail.
And so, you cannot buy the car you want. You cannot make the decision to
save money by not having a bumper, or an airbag. Because you, like me, are
Rant Fever politics
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